How to Have Better Sex: 11 Tips for Men Over 40

Let’s face it, as you get older, sex isn’t like it used to be in your 20s. This is especially true if you’re starting to get too soft during sex or have full-blown erectile dysfunction. However, there are ways to spice up your sex life as you age. 

Whether you’re married or in a relationship, if you want to have the best sex of your life and are wondering “how to improve my sex life” here are some great ideas on how to heat things up under the sheets.   

Take Action to Conquer Erectile Dysfunction 

The first step to having better sex is to take charge of your sexual decline. This means if you’re too soft for penetrative sex and have problems getting or staying hard, you can discuss possible solutions with your doctor. 

Dealing with lifestyle issues like weight loss, increased physical exercise, and an improved diet is the first step. ED pills are another option, although they have side effects in some men and might stop working after a while.   

“I find the best solution for erectile dysfunction and getting softer with aging is a treatment called low-intensity extracorporeal shockwave therapy or Li-ESWT for short,” says Dr. Paul Thompson, a urologist who has treated men with ED for more than three decades. “It’s also called acoustic soundwave therapy.

“You can go to a clinic for Li-ESWT,” says Dr. Thompson, “but it’s expensive, so I often recommend men try at-home Li-ESWT, which is just as effective and more affordable.”

Dr. Thompson says that using Li-ESWT together with a penile pump and lifestyle changes can be the key to a better sex life. 

Do Kegel Exercises

Another tip for better sex? Try Kegel exercises. These aren’t just for women. Men can also reap the rewards of exercising their pelvic floor muscles. These muscles can grow weaker with age, prostate surgery, or diabetes. 

Here’s how they’re done: simply tighten the muscles in your pelvic area that you would use to stop urine flow. Hold for two or three seconds, then let go. Do this ten times and repeat five times per day. 

You can do Kegel exercises pretty much anywhere including sitting at your desk, driving, while watching TV, even standing in a line at the supermarket. They can make sex more pleasurable and make it easier to become aroused and reach climax. 

Use Sex Toys

Sex toys are a fun way to ramp up your sex life. Penis sleeves are one type of toy. They’re hollow sheaths that are worn over your penis during sex. They make it easier to stay hard during penetrative sex. Consequently, sleeves may help men with ED engage in intercourse.(1) 

How effective the sleeve is depends on its size, shape, and thickness. One study recommends finding a sleeve with the best fit for the most effective results.(1)

Cock rings are another option. As the name implies, cock rings are worn around the penile base in order to increase sexual pleasure. By applying pressure to the area around the penile base, cock rings help maintain an erection. A cock ring needs to be ready to go at the start of sexual activity and you should clean it afterwards.

Male vibrators (also known as penile vibrators) are used together with penile sleeves to create enhanced sexual pleasure for both partners. Not only are they fun, but male vibrators also may help sexual dysfunction. Research has found these vibrators support the treatment of ED as well as premature ejaculation. They also may help reach orgasm and increase sexual desire and arousal. 

Explore Your Fantasies

One of the keys to great sex is to let your partner know what turns you on. Share your fantasies with them verbally, or if that’s too intimidating, write them down and have your partner read them. Encourage your partner to share theirs, too. 

Remember to avoid judging your partner. It took a lot for them to open up about their deepest wants. 

And don’t get frustrated if they are intimidated or shocked by your desires. This is a new experience for both of you, but it’s well worth it because it will develop a deeper connection. Explore any of the fantasies the two of you feel comfortable acting out. You may be surprised how this increases your sexual desire.  

Experiment with Different Sexual Positions 

To avoid getting stuck in a rut, try something new. You don’t have to engage in positions that are meant for 20-year-old gymnasts, but there are easy positions you likely haven’t tried that will spark up your sex life. You can find new ideas in articles published online. 

An equally effective way to have a better sex life is to have sex in places other than the bed. Whether you’re enjoying new positions or different rooms in the home, your body releases dopamine, a brain chemical linked to feeling good. Trying something new triggers dopamine release. 

Improve Your Mental Health for a Better Sex Life

Physical performance is tied to our emotional outlook. Anxiety, depression, and mental health concerns get in the way of a healthy sex life.(2) Basically, you need to feel good to have great sex. If you’re feeling down or anxious on a regular basis, talk to your doctor about treating the problem. 

You’re also going to want to take care of other mental health issues at play like performance anxiety or low self-confidence. If you’re always worrying about what your partner thinks of you in bed, it’s going to be difficult to have a healthy sex life.

It’s a vicious cycle. Not only can poor mental health lead to ED. Poor sexual performance can lead to all the mental health issues mentioned here including performance anxiety and depression. That’s why the first step in boosting your mental health may be revisiting our initial suggestion in this article about treating ED. 

Spend Time Apart

That old adage, absence makes the heart grow fonder is true. It’s also true that a short break from each other can lead to hotter sex. Go visit friends or family while your partner stays home or goes on her own trip. Or simply have a boy’s night out. Time apart can make you realize how much you miss your partner. 

Have Sex in the Morning

After a good night’s sleep, your body is well-rested and you have more energy for sex. Testosterone also is usually higher in the morning between 7 and 10 a.m.(3) Testosterone is a hormone linked to sex drive and libido and its levels often drop with age. 

Optimal testosterone levels lead to a better sex life, so having sex after the alarm goes off can heat things up under the sheets and make it easier to orgasm, not to mention start your day off right.      

Prolong the Pleasure

As we get older things don’t happen as quickly as they used to in our younger years. Your body might need more time to become aroused and reach orgasm. It’s a good idea to extend foreplay and even give each other a sensual massage to heat things up before the final act. 

Change Your Surroundings

Sweep your sweetie off their feet and take them on a short getaway to someplace romantic. A change of scenery can ramp up your sex life and remove distractions that would otherwise get in the way of your time together.

Exercise More

Exercise increases blood flow throughout the body, including penile tissues. It also keeps you lean and fit and less likely to suffer from obesity, a condition that can cause ED. The way your body looks after regular exercise also can help you feel sexier. 

Research shows exercise is one of the best ways to increase sexual stamina. One group of researchers studied the effects of nine months of aerobic exercise in 78 sedentary but healthy men.(4) The men exercised in supervised groups for an hour, an average of 3.5 days per week. 

Each man kept a diary of exercise, diet, smoking, and sexuality for the first and last months of the exercise program. Analysis of the diaries found that the exercise group experienced significant improvements including:

• Having sex more often

• Better sexual function

• A higher number of satisfying orgasms

The more the men’s fitness levels improved, the better their sexual improvements. 

Frequently Asked Questions About How To Have Better Sex

How can I have the best sex of my life?

We all want our sex life to be what it was in our 20s. If you’re a guy in your 40s, 50s, or beyond, it is possible to revive those younger years. 

Since it’s common for your performance to decline as you get older, the first step is to improve your sexual health by addressing your erectile dysfunction. 

Beyond addressing ED issues, you can spice up your sex life by using male sex toys, sharing your sexual desires with your partner, trying new positions, pelvic muscle exercises (yes, they’re good for men, too), extending foreplay and changing your surroundings.       

How can I perform better in bed if I have ED?

Talk to your doctor about the best ways to deal with your erectile dysfunction. If you’re too soft to cross the finish line during sex, you’ve got options. ED pills are a common way to tackle the problem, but they do have side effects and stop working over time in many men. 

Surgery is a more invasive option. And penile injections can be painful and interrupt intimacy. 

Urologists often recommend acoustic soundwave therapy (Li-ESWT) either in clinic or using a special device in the privacy of your home. According to urologists who recommend this therapy,  Li-ESWT has long-term beneficial effects on sexual health in men with ED who want to improve their sexual experience.  

How can I increase physical intimacy with my partner?

Physical intimacy refers to not only the act of sex, but also the emotional connection that happens between the two of you. You can create physical intimacy in your relationship by incorporating kissing, cuddling, and more foreplay in your relationship. Turn off your cell phones from time to time and talk with each other. Share your feelings and be honest with each other.  All of these things establish a connection that will give a boost to your relationship and your sex life.  

Sources:

1. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5715194/  

2. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8964411/

3. https://www.ucihealth.org/blog/2023/03/testosterone-facts

4. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF01541546